–McGinnis

 

Goal is not to make lazy people industrious–it can’t be done

Rather to channel energies of energetic people

There must be an inner drive already there

Not manipulation, but persuasion to work in own best interest

Find goals good for all and develop a “partnership”

Success depends more on leadership than hard work

Success always requires leverage

Leader must be a working psychologist

Spend the time organizing and motivating–leverage

Success must occur through the group for best effect

Positive mental set of the group generates enthusiasm

Enthusiasm feeds on itself until “critical mass”

occurs, like a nuclear reaction

Strongly shared values and objectives provides a “culture”

An extra 10% from each person is difference between

failure and success

COMMIT TO EXCELLENCE AND EXPECT THE BEST

Have strict core values–build team which supports

Encourage pride in a good job; they buy in or get out

Loose standards say its not worth caring about

Stay with them and push–raise hell if not done

Reprimand 1) immediately 2) confirm facts 3) be specific

4) show feelings. Allow them to be unhappy with you

Set the standard for each goal and make it clear: people

want to do a good job

Attitude: the best is always yet to be done

Create environment where people can do all they are capable

Believe in the best

A person is as good as the best he’s ever done

Build on people’s strengths; deemphasize weaknesses

Help them to succeed–concentrate on this

Great ability is the ability to recognize ability

Difficulty should be a challenge–struggle excites and inspires

People long for a cause–try to create causes

A cause will overcome boredom and lack of focus

Do not intimidate or ask the impossible

Provide for a series of successes

Goals must be challenging but realistic

Graded progression provides for feedback

MOTIVATION

Start from where the person is, not where they ought to be

Help people recognize what they want and how to get it

Use two-way communication

Must know the person and his values–everyone is

different

Dig for needs and wants–these are in constant flux

Continuously seek to better understand people dealt with

People will explain how to motivate them if talk to enough

Help people set goals, plan, and then achieve the plan

Encourage big dreams and write down goals

Work to develop their ideas which you can support

Help people clarify their goals which are mutual

In effect, join their bandwagon

Goals must fit the group effort, and be very specific

Divergence from goal will energize correction

Same stimulus as hunger or frustration

Get commitment from individuals to support the group

Be certain public declaration only on positive concepts

Treat negatives by ignoring–addressing only reinforces

Maintenance of perceived self is basis of all behavior

Get them started

Attitudes follow behavior

Get a small commitment; later ask for larger, congruent

one–it supports the new self-image

Use models of success

Models may be from outside or inside the group

Stories of conflict, struggle, success

These stir feelings and change attitudes

Prove achievement is within reach

Create visual images of success

Have people relive own successes

Small Successes Lead to Bigger Ones

Repeater tendency: success breeds success

Look for successes–even small ones–and encourage

Develop the art of praise to reinforce desired behavior

Make gratitude a habit; employees, customers, etc.

People starve for appreciation

Create a winning environment

Develop systems to reinforce winning

Poor companies: less than half meet company’s goals.

Good companies: most do.

Use: public commendations, give something tangible,

every success is a celebration, put it in writing if really

exceptional, be specific (this also reinforces). Do this

for customers too.

Too much reward weakens motivation

Don’t create reinforcement junkies

Praise the process as well as the result

E.g.: Someone trying hard may not be succeeding

TEAMWORK

Key is to draw people to the group, more than to the leader

Most work best in a team

Mutual loyalty develops need to belong: reward cooperation

Assign high value to communication

Group takes responsibility for own standards

Group must believe leader puts their needs first

Must be genuinely caring–develop relationship of

trust

If so, will even put up with an autocrat

Share discomfort, danger

Be consistent, keep your word, treat people fairly

Absolutely never betray a trust

Breach is fastest demoralizer

Individual must know he’s part of group, but still an

individual

The individual must count (e.g., if you salvage one

employee, it is noted by all)

Have fun–take time to keep people laughing; go away

together

Competition

Instinct to compete born in most people; strong tool

for motivation, but use sparingly

Encourage excelling, not beating

Use comparisons to inspire, not criticize

Emotions provide great drive

Anger, fear, etc.–but use with care

Must be legitimate: injustice, wrong, etc.

Provide focus and energy and pull people together

MANAGE FAILURE

Ability to deal with failure varies extremely among people

Fear of failure kills drive

Failure inevitable–must be able to remotivate after

Ability to fail is critical to success

Be aware of failure and have a plan to counteract it

People must know failure is not fatal

Responsibility but not blame

E.g. shift jobs, assign task that allows success, etc.

Plan must fit circumstances and person

Praise and Reprimand

Use both, however negative must also include instruction

Do not be punitive or mean–but be bloody direct

Must fear consequences of actions–not you

Be tough but fair; show legitimate emotions

Do not procrastinate reproof–do it immediately

If privileges removed, do so for only short time

Provide means to earn back

Purpose not to control but to guide

Point out consequences and choices

Use guilt carefully and infrequently

Troublemakers

Have an allowance for storms

A lot easier to bank a fire than build one

The stronger the group, the more likely conflict will

occur

Absorb others’ complaints–let it ventilate up, not out

Know when to step in

Appeal to people’s best side

Get to reasons: real one v. one stated

Ask for help, rather than dictating

Allow for some strange behavior

Ask self: “Is it really damaging”

Weigh contribution: sometimes life just too short to

deal with someone; sometimes they’re worth the

problem

LEADERSHIP

Keys: 1) know the people 2) generate excitement

Enthusiasm is the flywheel which carries saw through

knots

A certain excessiveness is necessary. Be intense.

Don’t be “one of the boys”: a little eccentricity even helps

Think bold–but act. Be able to communicate the dream in a

big picture. Get people fired up. Take risks.

Take criticism well, no matter how it stings. Beware hubris.

Be certain everyone is getting full value

Keep own motivation high–that is a choice

Be really committed to the program

Monitor ideas coming into your mind–kill negative ones

Associate with successful, positive people

Plan goals in writing and continually review

Helping others can be life’s greatest happiness

Be future oriented

Love it, dream it, talk it–the best is still ahead!

–Dale Carnegie

 

[Note: When I taught negotiation I said that you frequently can either get what makes you feel good or you can get what you want. Ego is the problem. To get what you want, ego must be subordinated, which requires humility and sound self esteem. Carnegie’s famous bookHOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE offers specific techniques and has many examples. To be most effective, these principles must be followed as a matter of character, not as manipulative techniques. Following these principles requires acting differently from others and differently from natural inclinations. Perhaps the greatest leadership is to be able to practice these principles on oneself! While these skills are being developed, spend some time at the end of each day reviewing this outline and events of the day. Particularly analyze objectively your failures. How badly do you want to succeed at human relations?]

 

FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES FOR DEALING WITH PEOPLE

Always look for ways to give others honest and sincere appreciation

The thing people want most is to feel important

How you get a feeling of importance tells what your character is

People even go insane to feel important

Sincere, accurate appreciation is the most effective way to

make people feel important

Nourish their self-esteem–share their accomplishments and keep silent about your own

Speak ill of no one, and all the good you know of everyone

Flattery will not work–praise must be sincere and realistic

Practice by trying to have a positive effect on every person you meet

Never criticize or condemn others

All it does is cause resentment and kill desire

People will only make excuses when put on the defensive

Be humble: forgive and try to understand others. Remember:

Everyone has a story

If you will learn their story it’s almost impossible not to

like and respect them

Focus on what should be done, not on what is wrong

Arouse in others an eager want

Everything people do is because they want something

Only way to get anyone to do anything is if they want to

Seek pleasure or avoiding pain. Former is much more motivating

Show them how to get what they want, not what you want

Get to the other person’s point of view to find what they want

Try to get people to do something without ever talking

about what you want

Plant an idea and let them take the credit

TO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE LIKE YOU

Smile: It says, “I like you, I am glad to see you”

It can even be “seen” over the phone

Try to brighten others’ lives

Make doing what you do fun

Force yourself to smile–feeling follows action

Find a way to be grateful for your circumstances, whatever they are

Become genuinely interested in others

People are not interested in you, only in themselves

People like those who are interested in them

Be grateful when people give you their time and attention

Be as friendly as a dog, and sympathetic and helpful

Remember a person’s name is the sweetest sound

Make the effort to hear, learn, remember, and use it

Be a good listener; encourage them to talk about themselves and their interests

Be interested in what they are interested in

“Talk to people about themselves; they will listen for hours” -Disraeli

Listen intently, actively, and with concentration–let them do

most of the talking

Do not interrupt, contradict, correct, wander, or focus on

what you want to say next

Be a sounding board when needed: Better than giving advice

Make others feel important, sincerely

People’s deepest need. In all interactions try to fill it. Show

respect for everyone

Everyone is superior in some way. Find it and compliment it

Look for things to overtly admire by being sincerely

interested in other people

Do not try to impress with your own accomplishments

TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING

Begin in a quiet, soft-spoken, friendly way even when there is conflict

Smooth controversy by emphasizing points of agreement and

keeping a sense of humor

Talk in terms of their interests, to develop rapport, before

asking for anything

Lead, don’t drive. Aggressiveness does not lead to agreement

Let others do a great deal of the talking

When they recognize you really want to know their ideas

they will appreciate it and open up

Encourage them to come up with arguments pro and con and

weigh them for themselves

Plant an idea and let them develop it and feel it is theirs

Don’t ram your ideas down others’ throats. People don’t

like being “sold”

Ask others for advice

Get people saying “Yes”

Start with the things on which they agree. Get as many “yes”

answers as possible

Discuss their point of view and desires

Never argue

You can’t win an argument. Proving someone wrong won’t

make them like you

Jesus said, “Agree with thine adversary quickly”

Show respect for them and their opinions. Never say “You’re

wrong”

When told wrong, people want to argue, not agree

A look or intonation is as bad as words

Find a way to demonstrate someone is wrong without

actually saying so

e.g. Socratean method: ask questions that lead to the

answer

Try honestly to see things from their point of view

Even when wrong, others don’t think they are. Find

why think and act as do

Let the other person save face. You have no right to

damage another’s self respect

Agree you may be wrong and avoid all dogmatic or

inflammatory statements

Your open-mindedness can open the other’s mind

Minds can be changed only by gentle effort

Understand others’ opinions fully before making a

judgment

To keep disagreement from becoming argument:

• Welcome the disagreement–there’d be no progress if everyone always agreed!
• Sincerely thank them for their interest
• Distrust your own first impression–and say so
• Control your temper
• Emphasize areas of agreement; minimize disagreement
• Admit errors quickly, it shows courage and character
• Provide cooling down time for both to think; postpone the decision
• If they start yelling, let them get it out of their system, without over-reaction
• Keep listening to understand their point of view
• Express sympathy for their concerns, ideas, desires, and problems

Sincerely say: “I don’t blame you for thinking and feeling as you do. If I were you I am sure that I would also”

People crave sympathy; give it to them

TO BE A LEADER

When discipline is necessary, begin with praise and honest appreciation

Do not end a compliment with “but”, always use “and” as a

conjunction

Call attention to mistakes indirectly

Talk about how to improve, not what is wrong

Show humility and fairness by talking about your own

mistakes first

Instead of giving orders ask questions and give suggestions

Stimulate creativity and teamwork

Frame the request so it emphasizes the benefits to them

Praise the slightest improvement and every improvement

Use praise instead of criticism–reinforce positive behavior

Good things are reinforced and bad things will atrophy

To be credible, praise must be realistic, not flattery

Make the fault seem easy to correct

Praise things done right and minimize number and

magnitude of errors

Do not tell anyone they have no aptitude for something–

it destroys incentive and self esteem

Give others a reputation to live up to. Have high

expectations

They must respect you and know that you respect their ability

“Treat a person as he is, and he will remain as he is, but treat him as he can and ought to be and he will become such”

Appeal to nobler motives

People usually have two reasons: One that sounds good and

the real one

Help them think of the one that sounds good

Deemphasize the other

Throw down a challenge

All have fears, overcome them by challenge

Stimulate competition (with self and others), as a desire to excel

Dramatize

Stating something is not enough; use showmanship, get

attention: “A picture is worth a thousand words”

John Gottman

Book is based on empirical data from studies of 2000 marriages

Found much conventional wisdom is wrong

Similarities do not safeguard against divorce

Conflict does not necessarily lead to divorce

Anger is not a negative! It is necessary to a healthy marriage

It is how it is handled, not its existence. Value the struggles!

Lasting marriage results from resolution of inevitable conflicts

People who do not fight are likely in an unhappy marriage

Final solution is less important than communicating

Most important: The 5:1 ratio; Common arguing style

Women are the emotional leaders in marriage

Life conditions them to express, men to repress

Women can’t expect same verbal intimacy from husband as friend

Have unrealistic expectations of marriage

It is no one’s “job” to make the other happy

It’s usually the wife who begins the negative process

Attack causes withdrawal, attacks increase, w’drawal increases

Women tend to be too emotional, men too rational

In happy marriages this distinction is reduced

Men must learn not to avoid conflict, but to embrace anger

Recognize attack is not personal; Accept even if don’t agree

Women must confront gently, criticize less, stop mind reading

Both must learn more acceptance and treat respectfully

Successful marriages invariably use “repair mechanisms” in conflicts

Consciously and intentionally given and accepted to soothe

Express attention and affection, even if forced

Not necessarily done in a conciliatory tone, but they are done

May even be rude, but show involved, not withdrawing

Maintain eye contact, show you’re listening

Try to keep a sense of humor

At times don’t say anything, just listen

Do not issue ultimatums or force issues

Talk about how you are talking and arguing

Consciously agree to look for resolutions

The Magic Ratio: 5 to 1

5 positive strokes given by each for every negative hit

Most important determinant to successful marriage

Negatives are necessary to a healthy marriage

Better than 5 to 1 is not good!

There always will be differences, and these must be dealt with

Couples without conflict likely to end in divorce

One thing negatives do is reduce boredom and keep up passion!

Positives: Show interest, affection, caring, appreciation,

concern, empathy, acceptance, joke, share joy

In healthy marriages a “balance thermostat” kicks in for conflict

Positives—repair mechanisms—given, even if forced

They are carried and received by basic love and respect

Shown by gestures, eye contact, face, as well as words

Evidenced by positive comments to third parties about spouse

Marriages seem to settle into 1 of 5 styles—3 healthy, 2 not

Closer the marriage fits 1 of the 3, more likely to succeed

2 keys determine success: 5 to 1 ratio, agree on common style

Validating Style: Listen, understand, accept even if don’t agree

Little hostility, much respect and persuasion, moderate emotion

Each other’s best friend and good companion

Do a lot of active listening, mutual supporting

Much good faith and compromise to resolve conflicts

The classic ideal of a good marriage

Volatile Style: Very open about expressing negative feelings

Open and honest, often to the point of causing pain

Tease a lot, sometimes causing hurt; compete continually

Bicker over every minor thing, each trying to persuade

Interrupt rather than try to understand

See selves as both nurturing and expressive

But these serve to fuel the positives in the relationship

Many more negatives, but also many more positives

A lot of passion in the marriage—love “making up”

See selves as independent equals, interrupt each other often

Each needs a lot of personal space and independence

Avoidant Style: Minimize conflict, make light of differences

Little attempt made to solve issues: “agree to disagree”

Do not talk things out: Sweep conflicts under carpet and ignore

Focus on shared vision of a strong marriage

Bond so strong can overlook disagreement

Have least emotion and passion of 3 types

More the partners’ natural styles are same, more likely to succeed

Serious conflicts occur if styles differ; permeates all arguments

Each has different way to argue, show love, handle emotions

Every conflict has problem of how to argue and relate

E.g. avoidant style is seen as dishonesty by a volatile

Must analyze differences and compromise a common style

Survival of the marriage depends on this

Volatile and avoidant most difficult

Key: Whatever else, criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling absolutely must be avoided by both. I.e. address the symptoms

2 types unhealthy marriages:

Hostile/engaged: Argue continually with great heat

Name calling and sarcasm, but look at each other and listen

Hostile/disengaged: Arguments hot, but do not look or listen

Generally detached and emotionally uninvolved with each other

Both types invariably characterized by a specific downward spiral

Criticism, then Contempt and Defensiveness, then Stonewalling

The 5 to 1 ratio is not maintained

The cycle is more and more difficult to break as it continues

Like a broken record, negative thoughts endlessly repetitive

If near a solution to an argument, one will sabotage

Healthy marriages can degenerate into one of these styles

Danger signs: Can’t remember why attracted, criticize to 3d

parties in front of spouse, remember nothing good from past

Criticism is general vs. complaints which are specific

“You are a jerk” vs. “I don’t like you yelling”

Complaining is good, and needs to be addressed

But complaints become criticism if they go unheeded

Frustration will lead into the spiral

Contempt is the intention to psychologically abuse partner

Attack sense of self by verbal and non-verbal abuse

Cannot even remember, do not communicate, any positives

Use by insults, name calling, sarcasm, mockery, body language

Done in front of 3d parties is absolute indicator of divorce

Defensiveness is completely natural reaction to contempt, criticism

Unfortunately, does not matter that you are right

It obstructs communication and nothing is resolved

Evidenced by: denying responsibility, excuses, cross-complaints,

yes-butting, repetitions—getting mutually louder and more vitriolic

Stonewalling is habitually refusing to listen to confrontation

Stonewallers are just trying to be neutral and avoid conflict

But partner becomes totally frustrated and wants to scream

Absolutely destructive. 85% are men, pressed by women

This downward spiral eventually becomes cast in stone

Feel like innocent victim: take no responsibility, take no action

Focus on righteous indignation: have total contempt, want revenge

Total emotional overload is a continual state

Identified by high heart rate, shallow breathing, tenseness

Become conditioned to respond irrationally

Everything a confirmation of negative feelings—self-fulfilling prophecy

Blind to any evidence of good, totally mistrustful

Every conflict reinforces futility; no longer try to resolve things

Continuously rehearse negative thoughts, forget all positives

Final stage: Parallel lives in same house; complete isolation from spouse

If the spiral is not broken and reversed the relationship is over

Once spiral down is cast in stone, only way to break is tell spouse:

“I love you and am lonely without you” [Not bad other times!]

Must consciously, intensely, and mutually work on specific plan:

Calm down. Disengage and take time-outs when necessary

Agree in advance to stick to one complaint per argument

Agree to argue only 15 minutes at a time—but agree to argue

Argue formally: agenda, state positions, divide argument time,

establish alternatives, look for compromises, make a decision

Validate each other verbally and by body language

Volatiles must learn this. Must tone down, edit what they say

Must follow common rules of politeness. Force it if needed

Express good as well as bad; apologize and take responsibility if wrong

Look for, specifically express positives and areas of agreement

Do not be hyperrational or give advice; acknowledge feelings

Agree absolutely not to criticize or express contempt

Force yourself to complain about specific incident only

Do not use arguments as a way to retaliate

Listen and speak non-defensively. Refuse to defend yourself

Must force self not to, it only results in escalation

Look for the imbedded complaint and respond only to that

Overlearn these techniques so can use when stressed—practice!

Share happy times: children, recreation, hobbies, business, church, etc.

     — Phil McGraw

1: You either “get it” or you don’t. Be honest with yourself

2: You create your own experience. Take responsibility

3: People do what works. Look for the payoffs, for self, others

4: You can’t change what you won’t admit. Face reality

5: Life rewards action. [Ready, fire, aim!]

6: There is no reality, only perception. [ABC. Not AC]

7: Life is managed, it is not cured. Take charge of it

8: You teach people how to treat you. Look at payoffs

9: If you don’t Forgive, it will destroy you.

10: You have to name it to claim it. What do you want?

Get Real

The world is highly competitive and there ain’t no Santa Claus

There’s no point whining about it

What is needed is a clear, knowledge-based strategy

to overcome problems and fulfill goals

Society is a disaster, and people are not trained to manage their lives

No one is taught how to be married, a parent, to manage their life, etc

There are idiots with fancy degrees who don’t know how to get out of the rain

For a successful life, you must have a life strategy

Most are in denial about their problems

Are you sick enough of your life to be willing to change?

Most do not recognize and test their assumptions

they want them to be true

Inertia: you have to be willing to change, and make an initial energetic effort

Indicators: Frustrated, in a rut, bored, just hanging on, in a comfort zone, failing, lonely, depressed

Problems do not resolve themselves

Don’t just need insight—need them to change right now

Assignment 1: List the top 5 things you have failed to fully admit to yourself about yourself

Look for poor life-management skills

Assignment 2: Write “The Story I’ll Tell Myself If I don’t Make Meaningful Change”. Where will you be? Why? What will you rationalize?

Have to accomplish 3 things: Learn yourself thoroughly and honestly; Learn the real ways of the world; Learn a life strategy to set and obtain goals

Life Law 1: You either get it or you don’t

If don’t get it you will fail, and live in great pain

You have to know how the world works

You have to find what makes you and others tick, to get self and others to do what you want, connect with others, and predict outcomes

You have to have knowledge and skills necessary to create the results you want

If you don’t, you’d better get used to being a have-not

Assignment 3: Look at the patterns of things you do in all areas of your life. Make a list of everything you take on blind faith that does not work

Maya Angelou: “You did what you knew how to do, and when you knew better you did better”

Understanding someone: What do they value? Want? Experiences and beliefs? Fears and prejudices? Common grounds? Feelings about self?

Characteristics: Greatest fear is rejection; need is acceptance. Must protect self esteem. Get what they want; talk about what they want to. Respond only to what they understand. Like people like themselves. Are often petty. Have hidden agendas. Wears a mask

Most imp person to influence: you. Need to enhance positive characteristics, eliminate negative

Need to influence others so feel good around you and know will be lifted up and motivated

LL 2: You create your own experience

Acknowledge and accept accountability for your life. Fault is not relevant—do not assign fault

Yourself or anyone else. Overcome perfectionism and judgments

Give yourself permission to be less than perfect, and to have accumulated baggage

People who fail always have someone else to blame

Finding fault creates a negative physiology, and programs failure

Whatever attitudes, relations, job satisfaction, health, you are accountable

If do not believe this, then accepting that you have no control. You are a passive victim

If don’t believe this, then will misdiagnose every problem and event in your life

Recognize that everything is a choice and you are the result of your choices

Recognize the rule of reciprocity: you get what you give

Examine the style you have in dealing with people, and recognize how that affects their response

List the rough edges, and work at eliminating them

If believe you are right about non-accountability you can and will do nothing to change it

If people won’t listen, it is your responsibility they do not understand you

Whatever situation, must believe the solution is within you

Must stop saying, “Why are they doing this to me”, and say, “Why doing this to myself”. “What thoughts, communications, behaviors can I change to change the result”

Assignment 4: List the 5 most significant times in life when you were a victim. Describe in enough detail to capture the emotion of it. Determine how you contributed substantially to the result

Assignment 5: Make a written list of your top 10 negative tapes. Carry a card, and list each as it comes up. Stop the tapes!

LL 3: People do what works

You have to identify the payoffs that drive your behavior and that of others. They have to be there

Control the payoffs to control your life. Have to control the cause and effect relationship

Payoffs are addictive, especially if they allow you to avoid pain

The real payoff may be very difficult to identify. Some are extremely unhealthy, some are good

Often we do things knowing that it will not be for our best. Recognize that at some level they work

Cannot eliminate negative behavior without knowing why it is done. To “get it” have to know

The payoff may be unconscious, even though we consciously know it is negative

Must look for the unconscious and conscious payoffs, and relative strength

E.g. parents may teach a child to scream and demand by rewarding that behavior by responding

Examine your relationships and determine what negative behavior you are rewarding

Look for the negative payoffs in your own life. Must stop paying yourself for negative behavior

When you sabotage yourself, there is a payoff. Must find and break it to stop the vicious circle

Often when found the power disappears

Assignment 6: Describe in detail the 5 most frustrating and negative behaviors in your life. Analyze the payoff you are getting from each, how your needs are “met”. May be acceptance, rejection, fear, avoiding risk or work, immediate vs. delayed gratification

LL 4: You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge

You have to be truthful and stop making excuses about what is not working in your life

Most do not want truth, they want validation—reinforcement whether right or wrong

People want to be right more than anything else

If you won’t take ownership of your role and responsibility you can do nothing

Bad habits become more and more entrenched

Have to be honest about where you are right now or will destroy your whole strategy for life

Lies come either by misrepresentation or by omission. They can even kill you

We lie to ourselves unconsciously, through denial, so have to make a real effort

Must look for and analyze warning signs in attitudes, behavior, and results

Need to look at every area that is not working in life. Must be absolutely brutal

If don’t do this, we are cheating ourselves. Doing so is our first positive step

If admit a problem, and responsibility for it, living with it becomes very difficult. You’re half there

Acknowledge: your problem, need knowledge, getting a payoff, personal characteristics leading to failure. If this causes pain that is a good thing—it will motivate change. Use it to advantage!

It’s difficult to make meaningful substantial changes. You cannot do it without total honesty

LL 5: Life rewards action

Make careful decisions, then pull the trigger. No one cares about intentions, they just look at results

The only thing that matters is action and results. It is the only way to measure yourself

When you choose the action you choose the consequence. It needs to be purposeful and directed

Assignment 7: Are you in a rut? List and examine your recurring activities

Do you make promises to yourself and others and not keep them? Do you let others do that?

Procrastination: Ever moment you fail to act is another moment wasted. If not now, when?

BE committed, DO what is necessary, HAVE what you want

Knowledge, insights, and understanding must be translated into action

The difference between winners and losers is winners do the things losers won’t do

Faith without works is dead. If you don’t have it’s because you don’t act

Begin, and new possibilities will come. Be willing to risk, and persist

Assignment 8: Make a list of the 5-10 most important people. Write down for each what would be left unsaid if one of you died now

Assignment 9: List the top priorities in each of the following categories:

Personal	Relational	Professional	Familial	Spiritual

LL 6: There is no reality, only perception

You need to identify the filters through which you see the world

Those with really bizarre filters are insane

No matter what happens to you, how you interpret it is entirely your choice. You give it meaning and value. Choose the one leading to your goals

Recognize the perception other people are placing—and that there is invariably a difference

Perception is not that something bad is good, fair or unfair, but that you can deal with it

Conclusion you draw from your filter is either you can or cannot deal with it

The cards you are dealt in life are what they are. All that matters is how you play them

If you choose to look through the filter of the past you cannot deal with the present

You may be allowing an event in the past to control and destroy your life now

Identify and analyze the filters, e.g. prejudices, that are controlling your present life

Your strategy may be entirely correct, but if your filter is wrong it will fail

You have to test your operating assumptions before relying on them

The filters through which we view ourselves are the least accurate

May fail to recognize negatives, particularly our own accountability

Undoubtedly fail to give credit for qualities and abilities

Look for yourself in the mirror held up by others, but pick the right mirrors!

Keep an open mind about yourself—our perceptions create our limiting beliefs

Like the elephant at the stake, we cannot go beyond them

If you can control your perceptions, you can control your interpretations and attitudes

That is power

You need to really shake up your belief system. Challenge all your views about yourself

The world, and you, can look completely new

Assignment 10: Search for your limiting beliefs. You have to really dig: they are really imperceptible and insidious. They probably go way back. Your “tapes” are examples

LL 7: Life is managed, it is not cured

Learn to take charge of your life and hang on. Think of yourself as the manager of your life

Is he doing a good job, or do you need to get after him?

Is he doing a good job for the others for whom there is responsibility?

Job Description: Acknowledge the life laws apply to you; commit to resolve rather than endure problems; face the “what-if” questions and answer them, e.g. “What if I get fired?”; refuse to live with unfinished emotional business, causing overreactions to small issues; honor your agreements with self and others

Life has momentum and direction. Take conscious responsibility for those

Define wants in terms of goals and give them project status. Create a To-do list and priorities

Assignment 11: Write down all your conscious life decisions. What do you demand of yourself; What are you willing to accept from yourself? Looking at your actions, are you living in a comfort zone? Make a decision to ramp up, and consider each day how to do that

Consider for each area of your life. Apply the laws of life to each

We need to try to make the right decisions, but sometimes we need to make a decision right

Poor choices test maturity and resolve

LL 8: We teach people how to treat us

Accept responsibility for, rather than complain about, how people treat you

Have a right to be treated with fairness and respect, but must teach people to do it

Be sure, by reviewing the life laws, you’re not at fault—the principle of reciprocity

Relationships are mutually defined, by an intrinsic negotiation in the relationship

In therapy for couples, they want a referee, not understanding. Want to be defined as “right”

Must determine the payoffs you are giving people for how they treat you. Is it healthy?

Even a long-standing pattern can be changed, but you can expect change to be resisted

Must be negotiated from a position of strength, requiring knowledge and resolve

If you cave in the behavior is reinforced

Acting as a victim or basing a plea on guilt will fail. Guilt is often used to resist change

LL 9: The power of forgiveness

Look at what anger and resentment can do to you. You give up your power to someone you hate

Hate, anger, and resentment are the most powerful emotions, and most destructive

Like fire in a forest, they consume you. Destroy all ability to love, feel peace, other positives

The physiological reaction makes the whole body negative. Misery is inevitable

The emotions are so strong they will change who you are. They completely change your perspective

Others may behave wrongly toward you, but it is up to you how you react to that

It isn’t about them, it’s about you. Release yourself, not them

Recognize you are locked in a bond with them, and they are taking your power

Assignment 13: Identify those whom you need to forgive and do so

LL 10 You have to name it to claim it

With your life manager (you) decide exactly what it is you want. Be bold, but realistic

This sounds easy, but few really know. Most know what they don’t want

Be sure to separate the means from the end. E.g. a job may be a means or an end

Indecision creates inaction. Most you’ll ever get is what you ask for

Tough enough to get the world to give you what you know you want

Need to be careful to go for what really is important and lasting

Create what you want in your mind: see it, feel it, experience yourself enjoying it

What is the price you will pay to get it? How many ways are there to get it?

Assignment 14:

Once you have named it, put together a plan to claim it, and don’t give it up

A Guided Tour of Your Life

Create a life strategy to achieve your goals

Diagnose your current life in each of the charted areas. Look at the whole you, to know self

The Seven Step Strategy

1. Express your goal in specific events or behaviors

2. Express your goal in measurable terms

3. Set a timeline

4. Set a goal you can control

5. Plan a strategy that will get you to your goal

6. Define your goal by steps

7. Create accountability, with positive and negative reinforcement

–Stephen R. Covey

Even many who have great outward success feel like–and are–failures. It shows in their relationships with themselves and with others. They are deeply unhappy, even as they seem to enjoy success. During the past 50 years there has been an emphasis on the “personality ethic”: public image, social consciousness, techniques for success, quick fixes. Prior to that the emphasis was on a “character ethic”: integrity, courage, justice, patience, hard work, and the golden rule. The former focuses on the development of skills, the latter on the development of character. The former is manipulative, the latter tries to build others as well as oneself. The character ethic requires internalization of the following habits, developed through desire, knowledge, and continual practice. The goal is to grow from dependence, through independence, toward a synergistic interdependence.

 

Private Victory

1] Be proactive: You are responsible. Choose your responses

2] Begin with the end in mind: This is a “spiritual creation”

3] Put first things first: This is a principle of pragmatic faith

 

Public Victory

4] Think win/win: If everyone involved does not win, it is not worth doing

5] Seek first to understand, then to be understood: Have you ever noticed in arguments people do not even listen to the other side?

6] Synergize: The goal of interdependence. Think what little you could accomplish if you had to do everything yourself!

 

Renewal

7]Sharpen the saw: Education, recreation, spiritual renewal, friends, exercise. All things in balance

–Napoleon Hill

The Key

There is a key to success in any activity

It has been studied in hundreds of people

It must be intentionally sought

Its use will sweep one to success

It comes in two parts

It is not:

Ideas, aspirations, P.M.A., self-suggestion, intelligence, knowledge, persistence, etc.

It is:

1] An innate desire to achieve, plus

2] A decision, driven by irrevocable will, to succeed

Will power

Internalization and application of this key triggers:

Effort, risk, persistence, leadership, courage, self-reliance, power, synergism, etc.

Failure becomes a temporary set-back only

It’s fragile: negative thought and dilution of commitment kill desire

Not just a wish, but a burning compulsion

Anything less is just a daydream

Will not have a real desire without the ability to achieve it

Can create anything can imagine (conceive + believe =

achieve)

Limitations are best friends of creativity

Read the Statement of Plan daily* to reinforce

Must be motivated enough to burn your bridges

Fix exact goal, decide what will pay to obtain, set date

Focus Your Will

Make a written list of things truly desired, with priorities

Engage in no goal which does not benefit all affected parties

Picture goal 30 min. daily–concentrate on goal to reduce fear

Repeat goal and plan to subconscious [S.C.]

S.C. must accept goal as a fact; it will find a way to

accomplish

S.C. acts on dominant thoughts: send positive and

suppress negative

Get To Work

Obtain any specialized knowledge required. Be the expert

*Organize a Plan in writing; assure it is definite and practical

Channel all energies into the plan, never quit–habit of persistence

Organize a group to assist–create synergism by common goal

Provide compensation and leadership: courage, self control,

sense of justice, decisions, planning, do more than share,

personality, sympathy, attention to detail, cooperation,

enthusiasm, maintain perfect harmony

Make decisions quickly; change them slowly

Set definite objectives and do not procrastinate

Develop a 6th Sense for guidance

This is intuition

Developed by knowledge and mastery of the other principles

Use it and follow it

THE ART OF SELF DISCIPLINE -Paul A Hauck

Preface: This is the last in a series of four books:

1. Depression: Usually results from self-blame, self-pity, other-pity

2. Hostility: Frustration and anger from a] I must have my own way

b] People are bad and don’t give me what I want

3. Fear: Apprehension and worry result from obsessing on concerns

4. Self Discipline: Without self discipline cannot overcome the others

No maturity or success without it. Cannot get what you want

Success requires doing often what you don’t want to do

Three Obstacles To Self Discipline

Used to getting things too easily. Face it: It’s a damn tough world

Demand immediate satisfaction, and unwilling to defer gratification

Expect the world should be different, and refuse to face reality

Unwilling to work hard to plow thru the muck to get to the good stuff

Perfectionism: If it can’t be perfect, won’t do it

More important to do, than to do well. Only disgrace is nottrying

Not: “If it can’t be done well it shouldn’t be done at all”

Start and finish—that is how to define success, and to overcome

Feelings of inferiority: Judge self by progress, not performance

Stop caring about winning, and just play for the fun of the game

Put pressure on the effort, not the outcome

Techniques of Self Discipline

Prioritize, and finish one job before starting next—have tunnel vision

Set specific goals—long term and short. Do them before a reward

Never allow pleasure before work

Make notes and to-do lists. Don’t rely on memory

Just get started, especially if stoked, but even if not

Nibble at big jobs—break them into many small jobs

Just keep plugging! It may seem interminable, but it will get done

The tortoise always beats the hare in the long run

Be stoical—endure discomfort, boredom, pain, etc

People who hide from pain receive the most pain

Associate with people who are disciplined and are models

Burn bridges to remove alternatives

Take risk: Failure is not a catastrophe: can’t learn without

Don’t watch, do. Do anything not excessively dangerous

Any time you slip, force yourself to make up for it and pay a price

Force yourself to cool down before doing something impetuous

Good salespeople will fight this—for a reason

–Maltz

Self Image

Mental picture of self–most unconsciously formed

All actions, beliefs, abilities consistent with despite conscious

effort or will power

It can be changed

Determined by identification with successes or failures

Must have adequate and realistic self-image

Must be a reasonable basis for a good self image

Cybernetics

Subconscious “mind” is not a mind

A goal-striving servo mechanism directed by the mind

Has no direct link to outer world

Works automatically to achieve programmed goals

Must have clear goal- -good or bad–to work on

See goal so clearly it is real to subconscious

Goals are fed in by imagination

Underlying goal is self image

Learn, practice, experience, and act to program subconscious

Develop self image; achieve conscious goals

Imagery, act out, act as if

Success Mechanism

Creative imagination allows conscious choice of goals

2 types of servo mechanisms

Target known–go forward, make/correct errors

Once successful response, it is remembered—forget failures

Target unknown

Must assume answer exists somewhere–and set out to find

“Impossible” is only an opinion–not a fact

Operation

1. Must be a goal, which must be conceived of as presently in

existence

2. Need only conceive of end, not means

3. Do not fear mistakes–servo-mechanism works this way

4. Once have had a success mechanism has learned

remember success, forget failures

5. Do not jam creative mechanism by over-anxiety

“Let it” don’t “make it” work

No guarantees–it operates on faith

Imagination

We act due to imagination, not will

Always act by what imagine to be true about self, environment

Imagination always beats will

CNS cannot distinguish reality from imagination

Reacts automatically and appropriately to programming received

Mental pictures allow real practice

Imagine situations, then solve them in mind

Must have clear mental picture of correct thing

“See” result and “know” it will work

To change (self-image, behavior, skill) must see self in new role

Relax and let creative mechanism perform

e.g. mentally ill instructed to answer, act as normal person

Have to imagine this to do–and begin to feel adjusted

Consciously hold desired self-image 30 minutes daily

Relax. and make it as vivid as possible–much detail

Effort has adverse affect

Builds new “memories” consistent with goals

False Beliefs

If convinced something true, has same power as hypnosis

People live down to self-image–95% do this

e.g. Physical strength–can work against yourself

Knowledge of inferior ability does not limit, feeling does

Striving to be superior exacerbates–use own standard

Dehypnotize through relaxation and imagination

Hypnosis proves power to change instantly

Rational Thinking

Fallacy that rational, conscious thinking has no power over

unconscious

No need to dredge up unconscious from past

Do not give power to the past

Present thinking must be controlled

Negative experiences useful to provide negative feedback

As soon as correction made, forget error–do not dwell on

Quit thinking about them–do think about positives

Ideas changed not by will, but by other ideas

Therapy: look for inconsistent ideas; recognize, replace

Show negative concepts inconsistent–mind rejects

Wrestle with, emotionally, questions and work hard:

1) rational reason to believe? 2) could be mistaken? 3) same conclusion if someone else in circumstances? 4) would I continue to feel, act this way if no good reason?

Rational thought must be accompanied by deep desire

Use enthusiasm, anger

Decide what want, not what don’t want

Pay strict attention to the goal

Rational mind sets goal but does not “do” the job

Do work, let results take care of themselves

Successful Relaxation

Forebrain “1” is conscious mind

Gathers info, evaluates, judges, poses problems, sets goals

Cannot create, “do” work, solve problems

Dependence of forebrain causes excess care

Too result oriented

Once decision reached, dismiss responsibility re outcome

Creative thinking comes automatically after intense effort

Gather info, evaluate, etc., then relax

Keep alert w/o stress to avoid jamming creativity

Rules for creativity

Do worrying before the decision

Concentrate on the present

Plan future, but don’t plan how to react to it

Live in daytight compartments

When start to worry, ask “what going on right now I

need to respond to?”

Do one thing at a time–concentrate on it

Sleep on it–go over in mind before sleeping

Relax while working

Habit of Happiness

State in which thinking pleasant good deal of time

Habit, attitude–must be learned and practiced

Practice in cold-blooded manner–make conscious decision

Do not allow dominance of mind by outside conditions

Natural state is positive, i.e. striving for a goal

Happiness simply symptom of normal functioning

Happiness requires problems–react aggressively and positively

Bravery results from practicing danger–actually or in

imagination

Good is as real as evil

Practice: cheerfulness, friendliness, tolerance, smiling, calm

Act as if success inevitable

Successful Personality–A Model

Deal effectively, appropriately with reality, environment

Sense of direction–once goal reached must have another

Understanding–perceptions, communication, fact v. opinion

Must be a truth seeker

Courage–must act aggressively. Pick alternative. Guidance system

Works only when moving. Constant exposure to fear immunizes

Charity–respect for others aids self-respect

Esteem

Self-confidence–remember successes, forget failures

Self-acceptance–recognize lack of perfection–and start from there

Put Failure to Work

Use failure symptoms for negative feedback–and move away

“Master Teachers” Glance at negatives, focus on positives

Take immediate corrective action

Substitute the opposite success characteristic

Each negative seen as a way to solve a problem

Have “meaning” and “purpose” but not realistic

Must consciously recognize don’t work

Frustration–works for infants, hope life will take pity

Aggression–follows uncontrolled frustration.

Must control and direct it. It gives power

Insecurity–results from comparison with perfection.

Get moving to break

Loneliness–

Uncertainty–learn more from mistakes than success

Resentment–deadly poison, causes spiral down. Martyrdom.

Self-pity is worst possible habit. Caused by own response to

circumstances. Destroys self-determination.

Emptiness–lose capacity to enjoy–nothing is enough. Result of

not using creative abilities. Way of avoiding effort and re-

sponsibility. Must strive for own–not others–view of success.

Emotional Scars

Like physical, form emotional self-protective “scars”; emotional

wall. Also lead to marred self-image

Functional people: 1) see selves as liked, wanted, acceptable, able

2) accept selves as are 3) feel oneness with others 4) have

store of info and knowledge

Immunize v. emotional hurt

Be too big to feel threatened–toughen up (don’t get hard)

People with low self-esteem easily hurt

Be self-reliant and responsible

Give affection, approval, acceptance–let people know you like them

Be a little vulnerable

Relax–Have to “do something” to feel fear, anger, hurt

Keeps scars from forming

Feeling hurt is our response–relax and make no response

To remove old hurts, forgive

The forgiveness, as well as the wrong, must be forgotten

Occurs only when accept that there is nothing to forgive

Emotions work when help deal with present, not past

Must accept, not blame, self also

Personality

“Personality”: freed creative power and self expression

Symptoms of inhibition: shy, self-conscious, hostile, guilt, etc.

Frustration in all areas

Excess negative feed back causes–i.e. self criticism

Feedback should modify action, not stop it or overcorrect

Trying too hard causes “purpose tremor”

Poise: immunity to strangers and strange situations

Practice being less careful, less concerned, less conscientious.

Speak and act without thinking

Don’t “stutter all over”

Tranquilizers

Tranquilizers work by reducing response to stimuli

Over-response is a habit which can be cured

Outside stimuli have no power except what you give them

We are conditioned to respond, like telephone ring

Simply decide to do nothing as a response

React only in a way which gets you to your goal

To assist this, decide to delay response

Do not feel emotion if muscles relaxed

One has emotional thermostat just like physical one

Build a quiet place in your mind–in detail

Use at times during day and to sleep at night

Clear mind with between projects

Do not react to strawmen– “what ifs”–react only to present

Crisis Into Opportunity

Crisis can either increase or decrease capability

Difference is how one learns to react to crisis

Crisis performance: 1) learn skills while not under pressure 2)

react to crisis aggressively, not defensively 3) keep perspective

Practice in advance: no pressure, relaxed

Practice in mind

Think what you will do, what you want to happen

Not about what others will do or what might happen to you

Aggressive reaction brings power–act to generate strength

Keep your positive goal in mind–most crises are opportunities

Only one emotion: excitement. Depends on how we interpret.

Interpretation is determined by the goal

Success reinforces positive use of emotion

Use only as much emotion as required

Excess harms performance: “jitters”

Winning Feeling

When feel successful and self confident, will act successfully

Creative mechanism set for success

Picture goal and its achievement vividly enough to catch feeling

Replay successes in mind

Skill learning is trial and error until number of success register

in mind

Successful pattern is stored in subconscious (engram)

Unsuccessful engrams can be modified by recall with change

of attitude

To repeat, must reactivate feeling and pattern–“relive”

Must remember in great detail–more “played”, stronger gets

After succeeding, lower sights from time to time

Start with “suppose”, then “possible”, then imagery in more and

more detail

Never take counsel of fears–attitudes, not facts

Worry is a habit

If react to negative feelings aggressively, power is developed

Cannot control by willpower–displace wlpositives

With habit negative thought triggers displacement

Conditioned response

Negatives then increase positive response

Since programming/reprogramming up to you, you are responsible

“overbeliefs” in selected “truths” directs the program

–McGinnis

 

If you follow the following principles, you will always be mentally healthy and functional, and you will never need a psychologist.

 

“TOUGH-MINDED OPTIMISM”

Realistic acceptance of reality, combined with hope

As effective as psychotherapy, if no major depression

Pessimism leads to cynicism: no faith so no effort

Comparison with other self-help philosophies:

“Power of positive thinking” implies no limits, which

is unrealistic

“Everything will turn out fine” encourages passivity and

fatalism

“You create your own reality” is crap

“My family was dysfunctional” abrogates responsibility ANTICIPATE PROBLEMS

Accept and verbalize them–pain is part of life

Look for the good in bad situations, but don’t give phony

pep talks

Use bad for a good lesson–look for and accept the lesson

Don’t be Pollyanna–much is impossible

Be a problem solver–try to make at least some difference

Look for options, even though none is excellent

Get started–it’s half the battle

ACCEPT PARTIAL SOLUTIONS

Don’t be a perfectionist–be flexible

Accept what cannot be changed; give up if necessary

Try a lot; have many failures, but many successes

You won’t find life worth living; make it worth living

Half of something is better than all of nothing

BELIEVE YOU CONTROL YOUR FUTURE

Do something initially to generate small successes

Face reality as it is; change yourself if necessary

Exercise will; choose your attitude

Believe you have almost unlimited capacity

Believe your best is yet to be

INCREASE YOUR ENERGY

Entropy: all systems run down–must reenergize

Associate with energetic people, including children

Expand interests and knowledge–try new things

Develop spiritually–use the Sabbath

INTERRUPT NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

Monitor thoughts–negative ones are a habit

Displace them with good thoughts

Snap a rubber band on your wrist

Try to view things in a more favorable light

Choose not to be defensive

You can’t choose how you feel–but you can choose

how you react

PRACTICE ADMIRATION AND GRATITUDE

Say “thank you”; admire things which are good

Be grateful; enjoy what you have

REHEARSE SUCCESS

Think in. pictures; it’s more effective than practice

Imagination is more important than knowledge

Avoid worry and develop faith

Complaining is a habit; don’t rehearse failure

Always talk about the good news–concentrate on successes

PRACTICE LOVE

Serve others and have a basic belief in human nature

Avoid hostility by tolerance and forgiveness

 

Do these things!

Even if you don’t understand it, do these things!

Even if you don’t feel like it, do these things!

   –Helmstetter

Manage your choices

The end result of your life is the sum of all your choices

If you manage your choices, you will manage your life

Learning what and how to choose is most important

Choose: Faith, strength, honesty, belief in self, optimism, love,

goals and directions, to accept others, to make own decisions, to accept responsibility for yourself, to work for what you believe, to learn from mistakes, to choose consciously for yourself, etc.

We have free agency. Using it in a self-directed way is a choice

Manage self only by conscious control of every choice

Anyone who is able–and willing–to think can do it

Must have courage to change, to take control

“If do what always done, will get what always gotten”

Do you think things thru, work, and see them thru to a complete conclusion?

Who we are is the result of all our choices

It takes conscious decision and effort to overcome bad ones

By continual wrong choices we can even give up agency

“Highest levels of heaven are those who choose to be there”

Develop the right mental programs

We talk to ourselves all the time, what we say determines what we are. Make a choice of being positive

Negative self-talk is deadly–subconscious accepts as true

Always talk in first person, present tense to build good mental programs

Talk not about what is, but what you choose

Create positive programs in your brain

e.g. items in first paragraph: I am strong. I am optimistic

What we continually think about creates patterns in our brain

Consciously consider: What do I talk to myself about?

The strongest patterns you’ve created set your choices

Patterns create mental programs, which determine how we act

We are programmed by experience and others to make manywrong choices

We can overcome old, and give ourselves new, programs

Requires taking control of our thoughts for proper patterns

Our subconscious will create any role we consciously give

Develop proper patterns by conscious thought and practice

Always ask: 1] Is this a choice? 2] Decide: This choice is mine! 3] Obtain necessary info 4] Examine the

alternatives, then choose the best, even if it’s not good

4] Say: My choice is ___. I made this choice because___ .

Build a habit. It becomes natural and stops procrastination

If we exercise the right to choose, we exercise the right to change. Choices begun today can reprogram our future

Our pattern of choices add up to 1 of 3 programs:

1] Build us up, 2] tear us down, 3] stay even

Examine own patterns and determine which of 3 you are

Look at each area of life

To become Pattern 1: 1] Ask: Where am I now? 2] Is it working? 3] Look at others for models, good and bad 4] Recognize own negative choices and patterns 5] Make a list of choices that would improve your patterns 6] Set goals for change 7] Begin changing now 8] Assess progress 9] Recognize and reward your successes

Choose!

For several reasons, we often fail to make choices we should:

Unclear goals, unclear self-image = unclear choices and failure.

Remember: All your little choices add up to you

Sometimes fail to recognize them as choices

Brain on autopilot: don’t even realize choice is being made

Sometimes don’t know what we should do, or how

Requires a conscious decision for self-education

Sometimes just not willing or afraid to make right choice

“Do what is right, let the consequence follow”

Society teaches us not to think–keep doing it the old way

Want us to be a school of fish: same speed and direction

3/4ths of our initial total programming is like this

If want to make better choices, must learn to think

Exercise agency, make conscious choices

Ask: What subconscious programs are making my choices?

Practicing on all the little choices sets up the big ones

Remember, when you have a problem, if you face it and make a decision you will feel better

Every primary choice requires supporting choices

All must be reviewed, determined, and carried out

If fail to do so, primary choice will fail

Write down primary and supporting choices for big decisions

They form a team

Primary choice sets the goal, supporting ones get the job done

One of our choices is our attitude

Ask: How do I feel? How would I like to feel? How do I choose to feel?

How we feel about anything is a choice of attitude

Prove this by observing others: Attitudes vary even when circumstances don’t.

It is always the sum of their choices

Quichrbichn! We make our attitude worse by complaining

May seem a harmless habit–(and there’s lots to fuss about)

But creates damaging mental programs imprinted on mind

It reduces energy and affects attitude. It attracts negativity

It accomplishes nothing, and makes you miss any good

A bad event can ruin whole day–if choose to let it

Have limited time and energy. Use to complain or achieve

Choose to complain only if it will do some good

Choosing not to complain is being an adult

Emotional choices are usually wrong

Reason is overcome by feeling, e.g. anger, fear, passion

1] Recognize the danger 2] practice objectivity 3] put off the decision 4] control emotions (Great servants, but lousy masters)

Actions (except involuntary ones) are always a choice

Ask: What am I doing? What would I like to do? What do I choose to do?

Want to know what choices you’ve made? How effective?

Look at where you are in life

Many believe happiness, love, success, are fate, circumstances, or luck [The kind of people who buy lottery tickets]

Like everything else, these are choices: 3 of most important

If don’t believe so, then failing to accept responsibility

Happiness is an attitude. Attitudes are always up to you:

Happiness is therefore always a choice

Lincoln: “Most people as happy as make up mind to be”

Each morning, choose to be happy today–and keep doing it

Seems to be easy for some; impossible for others

May not be able to change circumstances, but can change attitude

Then, maybe, you can change your circumstances

Can certainly do best with given set of circumstances

Success, and happiness, defined and determined by that

Feeling of being in love always destroyed by realities of living

The fireworks and the bells always die

Must make the choice to make it work–self-responsibility

Choose to respect and love, and to be respected and loved

Make the necessary supporting choices

How will you love? What will you give to get it?

Are you willing to pay the price?

No one can achieve success automatically or easily

Society programs us to be mediocre; tells us what can’t do

Must choose to remake the program. It is a choice

If don’t make conscious choice, then choose to fail

Start believing–and telling self–what can do. Kill negatives

Believe and choose: I can!

Decide: Primary choice, supporting choices, price will pay

A Plan for Choosing

Look at the choices you make–imagine what new ones could do

in your life!

Ask yourself: “Who am I? What do I want?” What will it take?

What price am I willing to pay?

Are the things I want what are really important and fulfilling?

Write down primary and supporting choices in each of the following: My family. My home. My personal relationships. My education (formal and informal). My career. My income and money management. My other goals and self-expectations. My health, fitness, and appearance. My spare time. My happiness. My spirituality. My service to others. My attitude. My friendliness. My self esteem. My personal style. My problem solving. My faith. My thoughts. Other important areas.

Remember to work and balance all the following: spiritual, mental, emotional, social, physical

Take control! Consciously define your choices

Write new choices on 3 x 5 cards, carry, and read

No one can do it but you. So do it!

As Kimball said:Do it! Do it right! Do it right now!